//Sample execution code:
//<script language="JavaScript1.1" src="http://www.mydomain.com/thoughts.js"></script>

var quotes=new Array()

//change the quotes if desired. Add/ delete additional quotes as desired.

quotes[0] = '42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.'
quotes[1] = 'A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.'
quotes[2] = 'A closed mouth gathers no foot.'
quotes[3] = 'A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.'
quotes[4] = 'A day without sunshine is like... night.'
quotes[5] = 'A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.'
quotes[6] = 'A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.'
quotes[7] = 'A hangover is the wrath of grapes.'
quotes[8] = 'A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.'
quotes[9] = 'A penny saved is a penny.'
quotes[10] = 'Anything free is worth what you pay for it.'
quotes[11] = 'Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.'
quotes[12] = 'Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.'
quotes[13] = 'Art is anything you can get away with.'
quotes[14] = 'Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you\'re a mile away  and you have their shoes.'
quotes[15] = 'Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.'
quotes[16] = 'Clones are people, two.'
quotes[17] = 'Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.'
quotes[18] = 'Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?'
quotes[19] = 'Diplomacy is the art of saying nice doggy until you can find a rock.'
quotes[20] = 'Drawing on my fine command of language I said nothing.'
quotes[21] = 'Eagles may soar, but weasels don\'t get sucked into jet engines.'
quotes[22] = 'Everybody is somebody else\'s weirdo.'
quotes[23] = 'Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I\'ve stayed alive.'
quotes[24] = 'Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don\'t have film.'
quotes[25] = 'Experience is something you don\'t get until just after you need it.'
quotes[26] = 'Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'
quotes[27] = 'Fax is stranger than fiction.'
quotes[28] = 'First things first, but not necessarily in that order.'
quotes[29] = 'For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.'
quotes[30] = 'Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.'
quotes[31] = 'Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.'
quotes[32] = 'Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.'
quotes[33] = 'He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless still dead.'
quotes[34] = 'He who laughs last, thinks slowest.'
quotes[35] = 'Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.'
quotes[36] = 'Honk if you love peace and quiet.'
quotes[37] = 'How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?'
quotes[38] = 'How did a fool and his money get together?'
quotes[39] = 'How do you tell when you\'re out of invisible ink?'
quotes[40] = 'How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you\'re on.'
quotes[41] = 'How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...'
quotes[42] = 'I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.'
quotes[43] = 'I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.'
quotes[44] = 'I am having an out of money experience.'
quotes[45] = 'I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they\'d never expect it.'
quotes[46] = 'I couldn\'t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'
quotes[47] = 'I didn\'t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.'
quotes[48] = 'I don\'t approve of political jokes. I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.'
quotes[49] = 'I don\'t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.'
quotes[50] = 'I feel like I\'m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.'
quotes[51] = 'I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.'
quotes[52] = 'I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.'
quotes[53] = 'I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.'
quotes[54] = 'I live in my own little world, but it\'s ok, they know me here.'
quotes[55] = 'I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.'
quotes[56] = 'I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.'
quotes[57] = 'I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.'
quotes[58] = 'I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.'
quotes[59] = 'I used to think I was indecisive, but now I\'m not sure.'
quotes[60] = 'I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.'
quotes[61] = 'If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?'
quotes[62] = 'If at first you don\'t succeed, skydiving is not for you.'
quotes[63] = 'If at first you don\'t succeed, try reading the directions.'
quotes[64] = 'If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?'
quotes[65] = 'If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?'
quotes[66] = 'If dollars were dimes we would all be a lot poorer...'
quotes[67] = 'If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?'
quotes[68] = 'If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.'
quotes[69] = 'If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?'
quotes[70] = 'If it ain\'t broke, fix it till it is.'
quotes[71] = 'If it wasn\'t for the last minute, nothing would get done.'
quotes[72] = 'If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?'
quotes[73] = 'If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.'
quotes[74] = 'If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.'
quotes[75] = 'If you can smile when things go wrong you have someone in mind to blame.'
quotes[76] = 'If you drink, don\'t park. Accidents cause people.'
quotes[77] = 'If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.'
quotes[78] = 'I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.'
quotes[79] = 'Indecision is the key to flexibility.'
quotes[80] = 'Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?'
quotes[81] = 'Isn\'t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?'
quotes[82] = 'It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.'
quotes[83] = 'It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.'
quotes[84] = 'Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where is the ceiling?'
quotes[85] = 'Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.'
quotes[86] = 'Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.'
quotes[87] = 'Marriage changes passion...suddenly you\'re in bed with a relative.'
quotes[88] = 'Measure once, curse twice.'
quotes[89] = 'Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.'
quotes[90] = 'Money can\'t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.'
quotes[91] = 'My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.'
quotes[92] = 'My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.'
quotes[93] = 'My reality check just bounced.'
quotes[94] = 'My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.'
quotes[95] = 'Needing someone is like needing a parachute.<BR>If he isn\'t there the first time, chances are you won\'t be needing him again.'
quotes[96] = 'Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.'
quotes[97] = 'Never raise your hands to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected.'
quotes[98] = 'No matter where you go, there you are.'
quotes[99] = 'No one ever says "It\'s only a game," when their team is winning.'
quotes[100] = 'No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn\'t work anyway.'
quotes[101] = 'Nostalgia is not what it used to be.'
quotes[102] = 'Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.'
quotes[103] = 'Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.'
quotes[104] = 'OK, so what\'s the speed of dark?'
quotes[105] = 'On the other hand, you have different fingers.'
quotes[106] = 'Outside of a dog, a book is probably man\'s best friend.   Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.'
quotes[107] = 'Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.'
quotes[108] = 'Procrastinate now.'
quotes[109] = 'Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.'
quotes[110] = 'Remember half the people you know are below average.'
quotes[111] = 'Santa\'s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.'
quotes[112] = 'Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.'
quotes[113] = 'Schizophrenia beats being alone.'
quotes[114] = 'Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled.'
quotes[115] = 'Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.'
quotes[116] = 'Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.'
quotes[117] = 'Support bacteria. They\'re the only culture some people have.'
quotes[118] = 'Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.'
quotes[119] = 'Teamwork is essential - It gives the enemy other people to shoot at.'
quotes[120] = 'Tell me what you need, and I\'ll tell you how to get along without it.'
quotes[121] = 'The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.'
quotes[122] = 'The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the male.'
quotes[123] = 'The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.'
quotes[124] = 'The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.'
quotes[125] = 'The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.'
quotes[126] = 'The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.'
quotes[127] = 'The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.'
quotes[128] = 'The sooner you fall behind the more time you will have to catch up.'
quotes[129] = 'The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left by those who got there first.'
quotes[130] = 'There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.'
quotes[131] = 'There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.'
quotes[132] = 'There is a fine line between genius and insanity.<BR>I have erased this line.'
quotes[133] = 'There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.'
quotes[134] = 'There is always death and taxes, however death doesn\'t get worse every year.'
quotes[135] = 'There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.'
quotes[136] = 'Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.'
quotes[137] = 'Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don\'t.'
quotes[138] = 'Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.'
quotes[139] = 'Time may be a great healer, but it\'s a lousy beautician.'
quotes[140] = 'To succeed in politics it is often necessary to rise above your principles.'
quotes[141] = 'Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.'
quotes[142] = 'We are born naked, wet, and hungry.<BR>Then things get worse.'
quotes[143] = 'What happens if you get scared half to death twice?'
quotes[144] = 'What if there were no hypothetical situations?'
quotes[145] = 'When everything is coming your way, you\'re in the wrong lane.'
quotes[146] = 'When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.'
quotes[147] = 'Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?'
quotes[148] = 'Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don\'t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?'
quotes[149] = 'Why don\'t you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? '
quotes[150] = 'Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?'
quotes[151] = 'Why is a person that handles your money called a "Broker"?'
quotes[152] = 'Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? '
quotes[153] = 'Why is there always one in every crowd?'
quotes[154] = 'Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.'
quotes[155] = 'You can\'t have everything, where would you put it?'
quotes[156] = 'You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.'

var whichquote=Math.floor(Math.random()*(quotes.length))
document.write('<CENTER><FONT SIZE="-1"><B>Thought for the day:</B> ' + quotes[whichquote] + '</FONT></CENTER>')